Friday, March 11, 2016

Do you have a defiant child or teen? I have a little meltdown strategy....

So, Madonna had a custody dispute with her ex-Ritchie over their son's refusal to live with his Mum anymore.

So it went to court.


At the basis of the argument, would be the rationale... 'Does a 15 year old get to decide his fate?"

Yes?  No?

Let's look at the assumptions behind this argument:

1.  That the mother has a right to parent a child?
2.  A father has a right to parent a child?
3. The child has the right to tell one or both parents which parent they prefer to reside (predominately) with?

Let's look at the behaviours behind these assumptions.

Would Madonna have taught/ shown her son that he was:
  • very special
  • his opinion was valid
  • that he could do, be or have anything he wanted in this world.
Madonna may be able to say, yes, she has taught her son some of these realties.  Or, maybe we can assume that Rocco has seen his Mum's mega success and what behaviours she uses to take what she wants, when she wants it, because that's how highly motivated people roll.  

She may have taught her son that it is ok to ask for something, even if it hurts someone else's feelings.  Or maybe, even despite it.  Or maybe, even to hurt someone's feelings.

Should she go back through time and change anything - HELL NO!!!!  That's ridiculous.  Children are sent to us as our greatest teachers and our best reflection of the reality that we create around ourselves.

So before we judge our children's behaviour, or force them into a state of submission or compliance, could it be helpful to see what our children may be seeing and replicating in our lives?  Because there is only one person I can change in this world... me.  I am the only person who I can control.  And that is a fundamental truth.  As it should be.

So, a parent who says, "I have been through so much, I deserve so much better..." will be given the ironic manifestation of a child that grows and says to that parent, "I deserve so much better.... (than you Mum/ Dad.)"

Is that wrong?  No.  Nothing is really wrong or right, if we look a the assumptions behind most of the arguments that we have with each other (or with ourselves, in our head).

So I teach something special at Australian day care centres as a strategy to this defiance - otherwise know as a 'tantrum' in the early education world.  If you have a toddler having a meltdown, you have to try this, get down on their level and say, "Yes, this made you angry.  Gosh dang it.  Stomp and shout.  Let it out...."

Or another great example, "Suzy has the shovel and bucket, and you wanted it!  I know how much you were enjoying it.  Oh no!  You can have a cry, and a shout.  That's ok, let it out!"

No judgement, no lectures on the virtues of sharing to a two year old that has just pee'd their pants, is dehydrated, and wants a hug or a cool fan but doesn't have the words to tell you.  Leave those lessons for later when they are dry, cool, hydrated and calm.

Just sit with them in their defiance.... and watch it all ebb away.  Without you being drawn into the drama.  Because if we do get drawn in... what does that say about our love of drama?  Am I right?

Get through this parent: we need you in the front line.




www.sweatsystems.com.au.  
Tackling the big stuff that makes everyone poo in the nappies: like tantrums, personal protection and sexual assault prevention.


3 comments:

Unknown said...

Hello,
I Read the article of a very great spell caster and it seems very helpful
to me. I haven’t had the chance to have a proper relationship with my ex
because we work together. This will be the final week or work and then I
wont be around him constantly. Unfortunately, I broke one of the rules in
the article and have been sleeping with him. Something I’m not proud of,
especially since he has a girlfriend. Not to mention that she’s a girl he
dated off and on for 3 years before he dated me.
When I asked him why he kept sleeping with me even though he was in a
relationship, his response was because I wanted it, and he wants me to be
happy. But obviously what would make me happy would be to have him all to
myself. That was when i read about Dr alexzander on how he help people in
saving their relationship and i was really desperate for his help. There
were things in our relationship that were tough. We traveled for 4 months
right in the beginning, and it was hard due to different expectations. When
we returned our living situation was unstable which caused a lot of stress
on my end. And when I ask why he didn’t give me a chance to make things
better he said he gave me tons of chances. Oh, and he compared our
relationship with his past. He says that things were great, and then they
went bad really fast, and that why his back with is Ex. Because it at least
took them years for things to get that bad. So i was very sad and
disappointing and decided to contact this spell caster for help with tears
running out of my eyes and Dr alexzander promised to make things right in
my relationship and also assured me that my boyfriend is going to come back
to me within 78hrs. At first i was shock and didn't believe him because i
thought it was impossible to do. But i gave it a try and trusted him. Dr
alexzander asked for my details and his, then guarantee me of his return.
Truly my ex lover started calling me and also begging me to forgive him and
that's his willing to give us a second chance, then promised me never to
love any other woman apart from me. it all seem like a miracle to me till
now. Dr alexzander. Words can't express how i feel right now. it been 2
month now since you caste that love spell for me and nothing have gone bad
between us. his now caring more than ever and also the loving kind of Man i
have ever wanted for myself in life. I thank you Dr alexzander for saving
my relationship. Indeed you are the best. I want to use this media to share
my testimony for the whole world to see and know that there is still hope
in your broken relationship, No matter how bad it seems don't give up hope
and also contact this man who saved my own. you can reach him through his
website address http://alexzanderhightemple-com.webs.com or contact him
direct with his email address alexzanderhightemple@gmail.com. I thank you
Dr alexzander for helping me and i will always share my testimony in every
social media or place i may go to.
(From United State Of America).
Mrs Tracy Grilli.
http://tracygrilli.blogspot.com.tr
https://tracygrilli59.blogspot.com

Joan Robert said...

I am very grateful to Doctor Omoluyi for bringing back my Husband after 2 years of separation due to pressure from his family and business associate saying that i am not the same country and different believe.. This Joan Robert From Miami Florida. After enough searching and surfing on the internet, I saw a post made by Peter Dashy from Canada referring of how he was helped by Doctor Omoluyi. I also decided to contact the Doctor for help because i was desperate to get back my lovely Husband. I followed all his instructions and he promised me that my husband will get back to me within 12 to 18 hours after he has finished with the preparation of the spell. And now, am finally a complete woman with my man back by my side. To also get your help from this great Doctor Omoluyi, Email: ( Doctoromoluyispelltemple@gmail.com ) OR Website: http://www.doctorokpamenspells.com

William Braunstein said...

MY NAME IS WILLIAM BRAUNSTEIN AND I AM FROM SAN DIEGO CALIFORNIA,I WANT TO SHARE A
TESTIMONY OF A SPELL CASTER WHO REUNITE MY MARRIAGE WENT HIS POWERFUL SPELL
CASTER.AND I ALSO WANT TO USE THIS OPPORTUNITIES TO WARN THOSE OUT THERE
READING FAKE TESTIMONY ON SOCIAL NETWORK.BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN SCAMMED BY SO
MANY FAKE SPELL CASTER. BE CAREFUL HERE BECAUSE NOBODY CAN HELP YOU HERE OR
EVEN SUGGEST HOW YOU CAN GET YOUR EX OR LOVER BACK, TESTIMONIES OF MOST
SPELL CASTER HERE MUST BE IGNORE.BECAUSE MOST OF THEM ARE SCAM I MEAN REAL
SCAM WHICH I WAS A VICTIM OF BEFORE, I GOT RIPPED OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS
BECAUSE I WAS SO ANXIOUS TO GET MY WIFE BACK AFTER SHE LEFT ME FOR OVER 2
YEARS WITH MY 7 YEARS OLD SON HARRY,I HAVE APPLIED TO 5 DIFFERENT SPELL
CASTER HERE AND ALL TO NO AVAIL THEY ALL ASK FOR SAME THING SEND YOUR NAME
YOUR EX NAME ADDRESS AND PICTURE PHONE NUMBER ETC WHICH I DID OVER AND OVER
AGAIN AND MOST OF THEM WERE FROM WEST AFRICA UNTIL I SAW A POST ABOUT DR
ALEXZANDER SPELL AND I DECIDED TO GAVE HIM MY LAST TRAIL.HE ASK ME FOUR
THINGS MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND SAID MY EX WILL COME
BACK IN 48HOURS, I HAVE SPEND ON SPELL CASTING AND NOTHING HAVE WORK FOR ME
AFTER 2 DAYS I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH I HAVE LOST SO FAR SO I SAID LET
ME GIVE HIM A TRY SO I CALLED HIM AGAIN AND SEND MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY
EX MOTHER NAME. BECAUSE I SWEAR IT WAS MY LAST TRY SO I WAS WAITING AS HE
TOLD ME TO WAIT TILL NEXT DAY AND I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT BECAUSE I
REALLY LOVE MY WIFE AND WANT HER BACK SO MUCH, THAT DAY I SAW MY WIFE
WAS ONLINE ON FACEBOOK AND SHE SAID HI AT FIRST I WAS SHOCK BECAUSE SHE
NEVER TALK WITH ME FOR THE PAST A YEAR AND 11 MONTH NOW I DID NOT REPLY
AGAIN SHE SAID ARE YOU THERE? I QUICKLY REPLY YES AND SHE SAID CAN WE SEE
TOMORROW I SAID YES AND SHE WENT OFF-LINE I WAS CONFUSED I TRY TO CHAT WITH
HER AGAIN BUT SHE WAS NO MORE ON LINE I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT AS I WAS
WONDERING WHAT SHE IS GOING TO SAY, BY 9.AM THE NEXT MORNING SHE GAVE ME A
MISS CALL I DECIDED NOT TO CALL BACK AS I WAS STILL ON SHOCK AGAIN SHE
CALLED AND I PICK SHE SAID CAN WE SEE AFTER WORK TODAY I SAID YES SO SHE END
THE CALL. IMMEDIATELY I GOT OFF WORK SHE CALL ME AND WE MEET AND NOW WE ARE
BACK AGAIN I CALL DR ALEXZANDER THE NEXT DAY THANKING HIM FOR WHAT HE HAS
DONE IN FACT I STILL CALL HIM AND THANK HIM AS MY LIFE WAS NOT COMPLETE
WITHOUT MY WIFE PLEASE BE CAREFUL HERE I HAVE BEEN SCAM THOUSANDS OF
DOLLARS IF YOU WANT A TRUE LOVE SPELL THEN CONTACT..alexzanderhightemple@gmail.com or check him on his website.Alexzanderhightemple-com.webs.com