I recently had a young woman ask me how you know if your partner is emotionally abusive.
And without even knowing her or her personal circumstances I said, "By asking me that question I can say yes, yes your partner is emotionally abusive."
Her face confirmed the truth for me.
The lurch in her gut confirmed the truth for her.
And if your gut is roiling now, and the fact you have even entered this forum, means it is probably the case for you too.
Here are some behaviours that you may not have even considered as being controlling, or abusive, however your gut could be warning you of a different reality:
1. Turning the heating or air-conditioning up or down in the house or car as a form of 'punishment', and/ or despite the fact you are uncomfortable (control).
2. Suggestions become negotiations becoming demands that you withdraw from social media .... for your own 'good' or the good of the relationship. (isolation)*
*I am all for withdrawing from social media, because honestly.... it can trigger rapid mental health deterioration & delusional narcissism like no other modern phenonenum - aside from drugs. But if you are being controlled to get off, and they aren't? Well?
3. Driving erratically or disobeying traffic rules - knowing that it is upsetting or frightening to you (particularly if children are in the car).
4. Getting drunk or under the influence and blaming you for their consequential behaviour, or even suggesting that it is your fault for being around them 'because you should know better.'
How do you know the difference between anxious thought process and instinct? Words in your head = anxiety. That feeling in your gut = your instinct. Your body hears the truth when you cannot.
5. Most importantly. Any word, behaviour, or action that makes you feel physically ill is your inbuilt alarm system that you are not in a safe place.
What do you do?
There is only one person who's behaviour you can change. And that is your own.
A survivor of Domestic Violence once told me a salient truth:
Domestic Violence is a choice.Judy Friedman @RiseUpAustralia
There is no one action that will keep you safe, but the first way to prioritise your safety is to open your eyes to the truth.
You are so much more than you ever dreamed. So let go of the nightmares.
I value your health and your safety, so continue to tune in to my personal safety tips by mail or view feed.
And check out my courses at www.sweatsystems.com.au for kids, women, school and workplaces.