Monday, October 8, 2012

What's your relationship to food?


Make love to it... Seduce it.... Take it to bed......

Just decide you want to have an intimate, nurturing relationship with it.

What's your relationship with food?  Does it excite you? Depress you? Is it important to you? Do you like to control it?  Does your body respond to it?  Do you celebrate with it?  Do you restrict and then binge on it like an illicit affair? Do you deny that it ever passed your lips? Or feel compelled to give confessional to your trainer/ doctor/ skinny friend about why you haven't been eating well every time you see them?

So I have a little psycho analysis for you to consider when contemplating your relationship with food and health. 

This is my first, and most important question for you:
Answering this honestly is a good way to test your relationship with food.

  • Would you buy  a couple of steaks, bread and milk?
  • A family pack of Wheat Bix and 3 litres of milk?
  • Would you buy a couple of frozen meals?
  • Would you buy $5 of takeaway chips each night and on the other days invite yourselves over to Grandmas for dinner?

Now, let's consider what your food archetype is?  

Let's take the test:

Question one:
Have you ever  blamed society for you inability to make good food choices?
Who do you think is the blame for your injury or illnesses - someone other than you?  Society? Marketing?  Your work?
Have you ever complained that 'real' food is expensive?
If a friend tells you a story about illness, fatigue, or injury do you always match them with a bigger and better version of a incident that has befallen you?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are allowing yourself to be a food VICTIM.  Food choices have become painful for you, and it is easier to look outside for the failings, then delve within for the answers.

Question two:
Have you let a friend talk you into trying meal replacements?
Do you think that a powdered drink may be the answer to how bad you feel when you look in the mirror?
Have you tried a lemon detox?
If you have mentally sworn at me for being a smart arse while answering this then you may be a food PROSTITUTE: prepared to sell your soul for the next big diet fad, drop weight, put it back on again, and then start street walking for the next big thing... again.

Lips doing sexy things to food...

Problamo trio:
Are you a little stubborn about trying new foods (i.e.: vegetables, nuts, seeds and alternate flours?)
Do you deny that the ozone is depleting with the same vigour that you argue that sugar can't be all that bad?
Have you ever uttered the words, "We all have to die at some time...."
Then you may be a food CHILD, you have chosen to eat mac and cheese for eternity and forsaken the golden delights (and conversation) that we are having at the adult table.  A varied diet of raw foods and fibre bulk is proven to keep you alive longer.... with less pain and more mobility.  Anything else is setting yourself up as a cranky old shit that nobody wants to pick up from the nursing home.

Have you ever analysed calories or macros at a social dining event?
Looked at someones plate and asked them why, how, when about their food?  This can be telepathically or with your silent eyes.
Have you ever felt the need to photograph what you eat... and you are not a food blogger?
Do you share links announcing your macros/ running track and time/ calories burnt?
Then you may be a food VAMPIRE... draining the lifeblood out of food and normal bodily movements by analysing the nutritional value of your food and everyone around you.  Food VAMPIRES are the passive aggressive parasites of human psychology.  Judging you, by not judging you, and then putting their food on display - not to be judged.  It's like the vampire in the mirror trick.  I'm there, but I'm not there.  But don't come to close too me with the pulsating jugular when I am hungry, cause you are just asking for it, honey....

Do you fantasise about naughty food treats?
Say 'no' when offered a sample of delicious, but have a secret stash in your cupboard?
Do you look forward to eating ice-cream/ chocolate/ or drinking alcohol all by yourself?
Find yourself day-dreaming about when you can stop at the local bakery and buy a treat?
Then you may be a food ADDICT...
Food is your sexy obsession, you fantasise about it, imagine having it in exotic locations, but then when you indulge it leaves you feeling empty and a bit self concious like a post-ejaculate teenage boy watching Internet porn.

I'm not sure if this picture is relevant... but it is sexy and has my boxing bags in the background

And guess what.... until we get all of our eggs in one basket, we are one, or all, of these archetypes.

And there is a simple reason: WHATEVER YOU CONCENTRATE ON, YOU ATTRACT.
If you keep believing that food and being overweight are like love and marriage... I'm afraid that the universe will grant your very wish.  It will make you skinny, then it will make you fat again so that you can achieve your goal of losing weight.

What if I told you the secret to food and not getting fat is simple? 
Simply stop the association.  

Food - good food - is good for you.  And bloody delicious.  And worth your love!

Now back to the big $20 question.....
 If I only had $20 to spend on food for my family (and I can honestly say that I have that budget on more weeks then not) I would go to a weekend farmers market at midday when they start spruking and buy bags and trays of vegetables for a $1.  With 20 kilos of vegetables I am unstoppable!  I would feel bountiful and lucky to have soooooo much food to create with and make me look fabulous!!!!!!  Lucky me.

Also questioning the relevance, but this is a simple and easy cake for a girlfriend/ soon-to be-Mum/ breast cancer warrior.

So my wisdom is this.  My perpetually 'healthy' friends all have one thing in common.  They LOOOOOVVVVEEEEE food.  They are the Aphrodite's and Ero's of the food world.  They enjoy talking about it, they are sensual and physical when describing it, they know what makes them sick and what makes them feel great, they always order the best meals from a menu and know the freshest places to buy cheap produce.  When we catch up it is always about the food (and coffee).

But they also know when to stop....  have a little alone time away from their love.   They let food go into it's man cave to give each other space and oxygen to reignite the spark later in the day.

What a great love story, right?

Food is - and always will be - a necessity.  It's more important than sex.  (gasp!)  No, seriously, at this late stage of life I really would prefer a smoothie or a fruit salad.

So love food, love your body... You two need to sort out your differences.  Put on some sexy music, dim the lights and maybe talk it over in bed....  all good relationships need love, understanding and patience.  And a good dose of physical intimacy.

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