Mobile phones are killing our teens, and that is the truth.

School teachers don't have the time, nor are they allowed, to go public on this major health epidemic.

But every time you hand that phone to your child, you are enabling their personal safety demise.

I guarantee that you gave your child that device on the premise that it was for their 'safety' so that they could call you.  Call you if they are in trouble, being abducted, being threatened - need help.  But what if I told you that the phone is the reason that they will be targeted in the first place?  And when they are targeted the phone will retard any natural survival instincts they may have, and long after an incident, will trigger or compound mental health issues.

Statistically that phone won't be used to save them, but will enable their demise.  The phone makes your child a really good victim.

I have been teaching self defence and personal safety to high school students for 12 years.  What I see in classrooms would make your hair fall out.  Our kids are in trouble - mentally, emotionally, socially, intellectually, and physically - and we are enabling it.

I have seen a degeneration in physical coordination - an inability to know left from right.  An inability to hear a direction and react immediately.

I have seen a degeneration in emotional regulation - outbursts similar to my 4 year olds tantrums.  An inability to recognise that they control their emotions.

I have seen social degeneration. Ok, ok.  Socrates himself would bemoan the self-centred ignorance/arrogance of Ancient Greek teens.  This is nothing new.  But what is new is that the brains of our teens has been deprogramed - reprogrammed - and it is not a program of resilience.  Whole sections of our brain die when we become dependant on iOS technology.

When I was teaching this week most of the students had their phones in plain view.  The screens white and blinking, thumbs flicking - regardless of the fact that the school has a 'no phones during class' policy.

Your child will replicate whatever behaviour they use daily in an uncomfortable situation.  For example, your teen girl will giggle during a sexual assault, the same as she will giggle, whisper and eye-roll with her friends when reprimanded for disruptive behaviour.  I actually lost a court case when a female sexual assault victim was cross examined and gave evidence that she giggled during the rape.  A giggle does not imply consent.  We got that?  No consent given.  But I can't teach the patriarchal judge that this is normal modern female behaviour - instilled the moment a kindergarten teacher claps 'inside voice, outside voices' or 'girls, close your legs,' and 'ladies, don't yell.'  I can't re-teach or reach that jury that where predominately male, pale, and stale.  That classroom was let out a long time ago.

But I can teach your girls to start watching how they unconciously react when they are under stress.

And it is most likely they will reach for a phone.

They will reach for the phone the same way that mums have been shown in recent disaster victim studies to clean their kitchen, put on a load of washing or walk around in circles muttering and giggling (or phoning their mum) when being told to evacuate immediately.

True study, read more here.  It made me realise it is my natural reaction to clean and stack. Those fluffy toys are all going to be neat and tidy for the arrival of a cyclone at the expense of my children's survival.  This is embarrassing, but true.  Self reflection is always going to a vital tool on your personal safety tool belt.

I was telling a group of grade 11 students the story of a young Russian woman who was fishing with her Dad when they were attacked by a brown bear.  It may be observed that the girl's natural reaction when in discomfort was to go to her phone - so while her father's lifeless body was being ripped apart she started making phone calls.  The bear - a new mother - may have instinctively assessed the young woman as easy prey and went away to rally her starving cubs.  She returned with her brood to find the injured girl in-situ, and on her phone.  So the whole nightmarish feast continued all the while with a frantic and helpless Russian mum on the other end of the phone, listening to her daughters agonising demise.

This is not just a climate change warning about humans encroaching on the animals kingdoms natural habitat and an apex predator trying to feed her starving babies.  It is a story of a deterioration in human survival instincts.  It is a complete inability to assess risk,  react and act - using our body and mind simultaneously to remove ourselves from danger.

For every second we are on that phone, searching for that phone, or wishing we had that phone, we are food for bears. Figuratively and literally.

I just finished telling this story when I saw one of the girls playing with her phone.  The story made her uncomfortable, so #ironically she turned to her comfort source.  Her phone.  I gave her a warning.  Told her to put the phone away.  She sat on it and said "You can't make me."

I could make her, but the thought of removing a phone covered in bum juice made my choice pretty obvious.

An hour later we where talking about defence against sexual assault, and that 1 in 3 Australian girls under the age of 16 had already been the victim of sexual assault.  This meant that at a hand full of girls in the classroom could have been sexually assaulted already.  This may have made my 'phone sitting student' uncomfortable.  Or not?  So she got her phone out again and started to show her boyfriend  something that was uber interesting.  In plain view.

I related to her that while she may not be concerned about her personal safety, statistically the person beside her may already a victim (1 in 6 boys experience sexual abuse before the age of 16), or will be in the future, so don't deny them the right to learn strategies to keep them safe.  I told her to put her phone away or leave.  So with a great gusto (the most activity I had seen from her all day) she threw her arms in the air and left with a cloud of expletives and statements blaming everyone else for her predicament.  "I wasn't even on the phhhoooonnnnnneee!!! Wah!"

She was like a cocaine addict being denied a hit.  Violent.  Irrational.  Inconsolable.

This is the result of mobile phone addiction.

The cycle becomes more vicious when you consider that this girl, when feeling triggered, may then use her phone (as she is hiding in the school dunny) to attack her 'frenemies' on social media.  These attacks will lack emotional intelligence, the ability to discern, and most certainly lack empathy.   Her brain will be stuck in lizard brain - the brain that attacks, plays dead, and then attacks again.  The same brain that trolls and bullies and lashes out.  The same brain that blames other people for how they feel.  But let's think about the person/people that may be at the end of the attack: they too may have a dependance on their phone, and a lack of emotional resilience.  So when they read/ hear/ are confronted by the outburst of a lizard brain this may trigger a defensive reaction within them.   Lizard V Lizard.  And then they may start to lash out - or - retreat into depression.  And we don't need the statistics on teen suicide to see where this is going.  The phone has caused a cycle of mental illness, dependance, and aggression, and has enabled countless premature deaths.  Are we brave enough to put a number to a death toll?

Our children are emotionally and mentally addicted to their phones -  and as result they are intellectually and emotionally handicapped.  It is yet to be seen whether they are going to have the life skills to be able to live independently in our society.   Those statistics have already trickled out into our trade industry where only 20 -30% of apprentices complete their qualifications.

Without boring you too much let's think about a couple of times the phone puts your child at risk:

• crossing the road while talking/ texting on the phone
• running with ear buds
• texting while driving
• 'connecting' with groups our individuals that groom your child for sex, or to become involved in terrorism or hate crimes
• sexting (this could land them a criminal record as a sex offender)
• not hearing/ seeing/ feeling danger
• killing off sections of the brain required for basic survival

When the phone may save your child: 

• when your child (or emergency services) call you because of all of the above

So, this is really a no brainer.  We don't need governments or schools to do something about this.  It is as simple as reassessing the BS that you believe that your child needs a phone in order to be safe.

Do you hand your child a gun to keep them safe?

Uh oh....... that's food for another blog.

We have been believing a lie.  It's time to change what is not working.

Passive aggressive is still aggressive

Have you ever had a sick day rather than have to deal with a supervisor that has been riding you like a pack mule?

Or fantasised about holding an imaginary voodoo ritual conducted on a family member who insists it is their birth right to prove your stupidity at every family do?

How many nights have you lay awake arguing with a phantom work mate?
(If this scenario just took a romantic turn in your head this blog may not be for you.)

One of the most empowering things I have done in my work/life history was not learning to fire a semi automatic glock (albeit badly), but to get down and dirty with a communication professor to learn true communication terms and how they can impact on our ability to deal with stress.   I really had to have a good hard look at my assertion and listening abilities so that I can develop a better way to work and play.  And most significantly - the ability to develop strategies to eliminate bullying, domestic violence and war.  Yes peeps - the big stuff.  But we are the shittest of the shit at communication.  Hence, an Australian woman's greatest threat to her life is her current or former partner, and we are teetering on the edge of World War III.

Maybe people get to the point where they believe, "Man, it's tough, I don't want to have one more thing I have to do... think.... say...  I would prefer it just all went away."  #ponderingmylifeasarapper

Maybe this is why people say 'I don't like confrontation', and are supported with knowing nods.  And if anyone were to say, 'No, I do like to put it all out on the table,' people take a little step away and look upon said self confessed confronter with a tentative curiosity - wondering where we store this one-eyed, war-scarred unicorn. Is this person dangerous?  Or are they useful?  (And, how can I use them to my advantage? Hmmmm.)

But it is our inability to confront people that could be eroding away at our mental health, our family life and our workplace performance.

Confrontation is one of the most poorly understood terms in the English language.  Hollywood has brain washed us to invoke images of strapping on a fully automatic weapon dripping with ammunition and a sweaty head band to make good on a cause.  There are connotations of witty verbose, yelling, name calling and courtroom scenes.   However, the true, literal definition of confrontation is much more benign and calm.  It is almost bland. Confrontation in its purest form is an attempt to bring awareness of a significant gap between a persons actions and their words.

For example:

I am here to tell you that what you doing, and what you saying, are not the same. 

No blood shed, no screaming, crying, streaming snot bubbles.   No steely glances, fist pumping or spitting.  No one gets sacked, killed, or hot water thrown in their face.

Just one soul telling another soul that something isn't adding up.

The words 'I don't like confrontation' becomes an excuse, or a validation, to remain passive.  And this is the most simple definition of passive aggressive behaviour.  By avoiding confrontation, the very drama the person is claiming they are seeking to avoid is actually being created - but on a different level.  A level of avoidance, complacency and a general expression of "I can't - you do it."

An example of passive aggression may be:

"I didn't do what I said I would.... because I was sick, tired, busy, busy, busy."

Hey, don't think I don't see the #irony here.  There are only so many balls in the air that we can all juggle before they come crashing down.  But in the spirit of learning and teaching better communication I no longer regale people with my lists.  Because a communication expert taught me that this is just me being passively aggressive. And she is uber smart. Even when she was shining a light brightly and solidly at my big pimply communication flaws, I still enjoyed the process - and didn't die.  I just had to squeeze a bit to get to the core of the matter.  (Try and get that image out of your head).

And more importantly I needed to learn this:  Passive aggressive is still being aggressive.

And I made a decision - that is not how I want to roll (anymore).

I don't want to be aggressive anymore.

I don't want that flittering, unhinged feeling anymore.  So now, instead of the passive aggressive lists, I apologise and acknowledge my actions, and propose solutions to said inadequacies.

Likewise, if I see that a person's actions and their words are on two seperate paths I make a judgement call as to whether it needs to be addressed for the sake of my work life, family life and mental health.  Once I recognise it, I confront it, and I deal with it.  I wash the dishes so I can get an early night.

I don't need to name call, or blame, or say "You let me down you doe brained fly penis, don't you know how busy I am?"

That is just plain aggressive.

I am also more cognisant of 'poor me' statements like "You make me feel... [insert superimposed feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacies here]."

Nobody makes me feel anything but me.  It is my job to confront it and deal with it.

And I will also confront a person (my children are definitely not exempt) if they say to me: "You made me...", "You make me feel..."

Nope, nope, nope.  I understand you feel a certain way.... and I am compassionate to that.  But they are your feelings.

I have no control over you, or your feelings.

But I do have control over my response.  And my response can be one of compassion, and one can should never confuse compassion with submission.

Just like if I saw somebody in pain standing on a bridge contemplating whether to jump, I would not hesitate to confront them.  I would not walk away with a subconscious passive belief that it was someone else's job to help them.

I would say something like this:
"You don't have to do this.  Not today.  Not here.  I will be affected by what you are about to do forever."

There are only two real emotions - fear and love.  We get to choose which one we are going to run with.  Which one are you taking out on to the track today?


Does your training officer need to get onboard with workplace stress and communications training?  Send them this way, I will sort them out.

Who is the twit writing this blog?

What do people think about RAVES and RAVES courses?

Is your partner emotionally abusive?

I recently had a young woman ask me how you know if your partner is emotionally abusive.
And without even knowing her or her personal circumstances I said, "By asking me that question I can say yes, yes your partner is emotionally abusive."
Her face confirmed the truth for me.
The lurch in her gut confirmed the truth for her.

And if your gut is roiling now, and the fact you have even entered this forum, means it is probably the case for you too.

Here are some behaviours that you may not have even considered as being controlling, or abusive, however your gut could be warning you of a different reality:

1.  Turning the heating or air-conditioning up or down in the house or car as a form of 'punishment', and/ or despite the fact you are uncomfortable (control).

2.  Suggestions become negotiations becoming demands that you withdraw from social media .... for your own 'good' or the good of the relationship.  (isolation)*

*I am all for withdrawing from social media, because honestly....  it can trigger rapid mental health deterioration & delusional narcissism like no other modern phenonenum - aside from drugs.   But if you are being controlled to get off, and they aren't?  Well?

3.  Driving erratically or disobeying traffic rules - knowing that it is upsetting or frightening to you (particularly if children are in the car).

4.  Getting drunk or under the influence and blaming you for their consequential behaviour, or even suggesting that it is your fault for being around them 'because you should know better.'

How do you know the difference between anxious thought process and instinct?   Words in your head = anxiety.  That feeling in your gut = your instinct.  Your body hears the truth when you cannot.  

5.  Most importantly.  Any word, behaviour, or action that makes you feel physically ill is your inbuilt alarm system that you are not in a safe place.

What do you do?

There is only one person who's behaviour you can change.  And that is your own.

A survivor of Domestic Violence once told me a salient truth:

Domestic Violence is a choice.

                        Judy Friedman @RiseUpAustralia

There is no one action that will keep you safe, but the first way to prioritise your safety is to open your eyes to the truth.

You are so much more than you ever dreamed.  So let go of the nightmares.

I value your health and your safety, so continue to tune in to my personal safety tips by mail or view feed.

And check out my courses at www.sweatsystems.com.au for kids, women, school and workplaces.

Going solo at the beach or pool... safety tips from the cynical Mum

Going to the beach/ pool by yourself (and your young toddlers) on these hot days?

When I had my two year old son, my other half was going up to the Sunshine Coast for a job interview (my favourite place on earth), so it seemed like a great idea for my toddler and I to swim while he was doing the biz.

What a day that turned out to be.

I packed all my toddler and Mummy essentials: food, water, fresh clothes, sleepy love-love toys, mobile phone, wallet to buy food, keys to the house/ car..... I considered the risks of taking all these valuables but thought I had no other choice, and thought I was hyper-vigelent enough for it not to be an issue.

And we headed off to Mooloolaba - beautiful, popular, criminal ridden playground of Australia's eastern coast.

Calmer times, with bag safely tucked under arm

I plonked up the front of the breakers with my Mammoth Mummy bag brimming with essentials, and wadded in the shallows with my stealing delight of pent up boy toddler- frequently turning back to see if my bag - only metres away - was safe where I left it.

I then turned to lift my delighted toddler boy from the ravages of a rogue white wave, turned back and - bag - she was gone.

I thought... "No - I've misplace it???"

But then I thought, no, you freaking fool, no, just ask - just yell.....

"DID SOMEONE JUST STEAL MY BAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!"

The general population of the beach sheepishly looked up, and a few lovely Mums rushed over and said, "A woman in black jeans just ran over and grabbed it, she was looking around so we thought she knew you..."

RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAARRRR!

I had nothing but my kinis, and my two year old.

Nothing.  

A woman offered to look after my son because I may have mentioned I was going to hunt the bitch down....  but, I politely declined the well intentioned offer (my son, after all, is irreplaceable).

And I ran, with my two year old, up and down the main street until I hailed down the local boys, and gave them the description.

I asked them if they had the "Find my phone app...." but blank gazes told me, "No."

So I gave them my other half's phone number (unanswered due to important biz stuff) and told them to haunt. And I also hunted.  Offenders will always run to the left.  Almost always.  And I was later to find out she did.

I then ran to the bank with my toddler (in togs) to beg for cards to be cancelled, and begged for drinks of water (it was 35 degrees and climbing).

I then jogged to the nearby Police shop front and asked if we could sit in the air con and try phone numbers.

In the mean time, the magic of my smart, muscled, sexy father of child was contacted and launched 'Find my phone.'  And he found my phone - metres away from the left hand turn where I had been looking in an industrial bin that had been emptied only hours earlier.

They then found her.  She had used my money for methadone.  I never got my money back.  But I got my wallet and keys (and baby sleepy love-love toys).

And now you must benefit from this story.....

Here's my red hot safety tip....

DON'T PACK UP YOUR BELONGINGS (keys/ wallet/ phone/ towel) in one ONE BAG.

It is too easy for a grub to run along and pinch in one heart breaking blow: and then you are completely screwed.

Do:

1. Leave what valuables you can in your locked glove box.

2. Put your keys/ phone in a waterproof ziplock bag {there are also safes that you can buy to secret on your car marketed to surfers to stow their keys}.

3. Bring only a small amount of money absolutely needed if you can't walk back to your car - never your wallet. Never.

4. Put big less valuable items like clothing and towels in your big bag.

5. Look around at the population for potential threats - people wearing jeans and a hoodie aren't there for the refreshing recreation.

6. Hide/ bury your keys/ phone under sand/ foliage if you are swimming.

7. If there is a nice family nearby, let them know you are going for a swim and ask (very nicely) if they might mind keeping an eye on your stuff - for every arsehole there is out there, there are so many kind, decent people. (Insert heart filled with love here).

8. If you look and see your stuff is missing - don't be embarrassed - yell at the top of your voice "Did someone take my bag????" Grubs have an advantage of you looking around like a dork, thinking you are going crazy. And hey - if you did just misplace it, you got to have a good yell and got rid of some adrenalin.

9. Remember - people get taken advantage of due to 'embarrassment'. If something is wrong let people know!

10. Minimise risk! Recognise, Assess, Vocalise, Engage or Escape.

Nobody wants a personal protections specialist that never has anything 'real life' happen to her, fortunately, I learn from my mistakes...

RAVES Self Defence

www.sweatsystems.com.au

How do we make self defence SEXY?

How do we make self defence and personal protection for our teens something that they really want to do?

How do we take away the connotations of crusty old men in gee’s doing martial arts moves?   Moves that were traditionally practiced for 2-3 hours at dawn everyday before they were even remotely perfected by Asian warriors and monks…

Mmmmmmm… Of course self defence is an important skill.  It is only when you have been attacked or violated that you treasure the peace and contentment that came prior to the attack, and the thought that you wish you could have done things differently.  Of course you want to know that you have given your children every chance of survival…

But unfortunately, the people who require self defence and personal protection skills more than anybody, will also be the least likely to reach out for these skills.  They are the person that is least likely to react to situations quickly, to assert influence and judgement in a situation, to display the self confidence required to avoid victimisation… TO YELL THEIR GUTS OUT SO THAT AN ATTACKER WILL RUN FOR THE HILLS!

This is a fundamental truth. We can’t control how other people act… but we can control how WE react.

Is self defence sexy?  Of course it is… if it is taught correctly.

It is an attractive quality in both men AND women that they are confident and capable.  That they can protect themselves and their family.  So we have a little bit of a job on our hands teaching the current generation of teen girls that hair and makeup aren’t what define their attractiveness… that their ability to think, act, and be capable is far more attractive then the cowering girl with perfect hair.

AND did you know that a teen boy is THREE times more likely to die because of their immature neural path development required to think through risk?  Put simply, they aren’t mature enough to think safely.  UNLESS THEY ARE TAUGHT…

The answer…. if they want sexy, let’s give them sexy… Sexy is capable, and able to look after themselves and others.

A sexy male is calm, strong and has rational thought processes to protect himself and others.  He is the ‘go to man’.  The man women swoon over because of his love of family and his ability to sort things out.  When the shit hits the fan, we go to this man… #contemplatingmylifeasarapperagain

A sexy female isn’t skinny… she is strong.  She thinks for herself, holds her head high and with confidence, and attracts strong, confident, like-minded people into her life.   She will not remain silent about abuses against herself and others.

A sexy person is a person that takes responsibility for their health and their learning.  Their is nothing more ‘unsexy’ then someone who loves blaming others for how bad their life is, how sick they are, how hard-done-by they are.  Since we were cave men, strong has ALWAYS been the new sexy.  It has never changed.  Modern medicine and agriculture have just ensured a longer living breed of ‘unsexy’ that would not have normally survived evolution. 

Strong is sexy.

Strength in emotional health, physical health, and strength in the ability to protect yourself and others…  Strength in carefully chosen words.  Strength in carefully chosen silence.  Strength in choosing to listen rather then having to be right.  Strength in choosing your battles wisely…

But to teach strength, you need to look to strong role models. Self defence is traditionally the domain of the male dominated  martial arts… where 100 kilo men ‘allow’ women to try some moves.  These moves often aren’t simple, because how can the complexity of the sport and the talent of the instructor be showcased with simple moves???

So rule number one for sexy self defence:
Teach without ego.

Statistics indicate that your child is most likely to die prematurely due to suicide and violent incident at the hands of their friends or family, then by the 'bogey-man’ or an unknown predator.

Do your teens have the capacity to understand the permanency of death?  Do you talk about death? That there are better options in bad situations?  That people are always there to help them?  And that strength comes from asking for help.

We need to remove this wrong assumption that children cannot deal with 'facts'.  They can.  It is an adult learned biases that create 'reasons' for not sharing information with children.  If you speak to children with an open heart, and without ego, you are saying exactly the right words that are needed for every situation.

It also overwhelms me that people, still secretly, habour this belief that death may escape them (they will be the exception), and it gives tacit permission to vexate on the little stuff and be arseholes.

It is our responsibility as parents to teach resilience to our teens and kids… and to be open and honest in our communication with them.  It's a tenuous balancing act of wanting to provide a safe place to fall, and be a robust magnet propelling them into the greater world.

Rule number two:
Let the instructors be a good role model of the strength that you want to teach your child.

The teaching of self defence goes largely unmonitored. Instructors may have criminal histories and links to organised crime as a result of their ‘fighting history’ that parents of students are completely unaware of.







Rule number three:
Good self defence teaches you how to defend yourself without relying on weapons.

I have seen instructors teach women to walk around with film canisters of chilli and talcum powder in their handbag, and instruct how to make other homemade weapons.  Which is 1: an offence against the Queensland Criminal Code (see: Man Trap) and 2: no freaking good if you are busy fumbling around in your bag while you are being knocked unconscious!  I can't even find my lipgloss when happy and relaxed. #softlipgoals







Rule number four:
Healthy and safe thought processes are more important to teach your child, than any form of punching or kicking.

But for something to be really sexy to a teen, it’s got to be something that they see adults really getting excited about.

Rule number five:
If you want your kids to be safe and develop their strengths, then you have to be know how to be safe and strong too… and be really excited about it.

Be the change you want in the world.

I will try and do ANYTHING in my power to keep you and your family safe ands strong.  I am not a big gear boy fighter, I’m just a little chick with a loud voice and the fortune to have thirsted for all the knowledge and experience that working in the Police and the personal protection industry has afforded me.

I have a family and I keep trying to learn how to be a better parent. I spend time researching what is hurting and killing our teens and children.  I have thrown the square away and will keep continuing to seek teaching methods on keeping people not just alive, BUT HEALTHY AND HAPPY!







I have developed courses for kids and A.S.D. needs, teen boys and girls, the workforce and disability workers, childcare and I am continuing daily to develop more for more specific requirements with my RAVES program.  Better still…. I have recruited instructors with a similar background and the desire to teach personal protection, fitness and lifestyle programs with the same passion that I have (and they know how to make it sexy…).

But don’t just listen to my ramblings… see what the QPS, schools, Women’s Groups and other organisation's think of the programs we have to offer…

The poo taboo – pooing for health and self defence

It was with much despair that I recently read a facebook post by a female stating how “gross” it was that women poo while at work.  Considering people travel and work on average 8-10 hours a day is confounds me when exactly when women are supposed to poo, and why poo hasn’t entered the realm of women's liberation yet? (Boys I am well aware how you freely poo and regal your co-workers with your pooing success.)


Not incredibly constipation and dehydration is closely linked to severe depression and mental illness.   Further taboo subjects.  So go figure that women in the workplace suffer higher levels of depression and admissions to mental facilities then men.  So when do we women stop flushing the toilet to disguise toilet noises and start to embrace the second most natural bodily function (second only to breathing)?  When will women realise that the failure to poo at school camp could be intrinsically linked to obesity, hormonal imbalance and infertility, and irritable bowel syndrome?

Beware the childless female sporting a moustache and rubbing a bloated pot belly whinging about office toilet etiquette…  She may be a bill boarded surgeon’s warning stating “I AM A CONSTIPATED, MENTALLY ILL CHICK PREPARING FOR CANCER”.

Not to mention the potential role a poorly fed stomach can play in causing strokes and heart disease.  My first autopsy in the Police was of a 35 year old women that had 5 years worth of compacted poo in her intestine that eventually caused an embolism that killed her instantly.... the smell of the dead woman's emptied intestinal contents and the knowledge the Pathologist gave me INSTANTLY changed my life and the way I looked at food and alcohol.

Here’s  some more poo for thought:

What has poo got to do with self defence for god’s sake?  Less then 1000 years ago female Buddhist nuns actively practiced vomiting and pooing on cue to repel Mongolian and other tribal invaders from rape.  SAS soldiers have written about using nervous pre-combat poos in trench warfare.  After all, it is a basic premise of the ‘flight or fight’ response in humans and animals alike to stop digesting and empty their bowels when under attack.  So why not use it DURING the attack? (High school students usually cringe at this part of my session, it brings me endless joy.)  And the next time you are picking up your puppies street walking poo in a plastic bag, consider the joy and surprise a trail attacker might get if he opens up his eyes and sees some of your puppy poo smudged in his hair… and nose… and eyes…

So what is normal pooing?

You should poo as many times as you eat main meals in a day.  Or at least poo the same volume.  What goes in must come out – right?  Easy maths.  Your body just needs to extract the necessary energy and micro nutrients and flush the rest out.  So that should be traditionally about 3 poos or equivalent meal volumes in poo a day…

If you haven’t pooed in a day, you are constipated.  If you haven’t pooed in over two days (unless you are a new born) you are chronically constipated = HEALTH THREAT!

What should your poo look like?

Sausage size, and it should be easy to pass with no straining and no stringy bits.  You shouldn't need to sit there for hours (that one's for the boys!).  You should have a virtually clean wipe.
Your rectum will always protestith if it has been straining too much by popping out hideous little hemorrhoids and tears.  Your poo should have visible tiny pieces of vegetable to show that you are eating your 6-8 servings of veges a day.  Not eating 6-8 servings of veges a day?  If you are over 15 you are old enough to know better and maybe this article is wasted on you.

A the very least join us on facebook and see how to make your meals to the eighty/twenty rule.  80% vegetable and 20% meats and seafood, grains and fruit.  Notice that their is NO SUGAR in this equation. 

Sugar = irritable bowel.  Irritable bowel  = constipation and/ or diarrhea and pain in joints, backs and tummys.

Poo’s shouldn’t smell too bad.  Not musty (that means old poo).  Not like you have giardia (that means you are ill and/ or that you have lost the war to bad bacteria in your tum) .  And your toilet shouldn’t look like a war zone after you have been to it.  But if we are talking about etiquette please clean up after your not so good poos… 


How do I get my poo’s regular?

Get good bacteria in your gut in the form of probiotics (get a supplement) - eat sugar free natural yoghurts, loads of green leafy veges, drink miso soup and don’t be so scared to get your hands dirty and let your toddler eat dirt. 

Try Aloe GEL Juice (beware cheaper aloe juice that contains the skin of the plant as this can irritate the bowel lining) to soften, cleanse and nourish the bowel.  Drink about four capfuls in a glass of filtered water up to four times a day for as many days as it takes for you to get good volume, fluidy, easy to pass poos.  Then you can take it down to a maintenence dose of about 2 capfuls pre-breakfast.  I take the aloe gel that comes with the cranberry juice in it too so that my wee doesn't get jealous.... (You know, to take care of the urinary tract.  I'm very technical.)

Take MAGNESIUM: I tell everyone to take enough to make you poo – literally (at least a 400ml strength tablet).  We are all generally pretty magnesium deficient because of the lack of nutrients traditionally in Australian soil and because we all sweat so much.  Magnesium basically relaxes muscles – including the intestine and bowels.

Compete or challenge yourself regularly!  Even a competitive game of chess can replicate the bodies fright or flight response and get you nervous enough to want to expel the contents of your tummy.  You only have to go into the public toilets before a 'fun' run to realise that a bit of pre-game jitters is a great little digestive detox (the pooing is sometimes more beneficial than the run).

Go visit an Asian country and poo in a ground urinal!  Doing a 'trench squat' to poo (with your HEALS DOWN) is the perfect way to relax the bowel.  If you don't want to wee on yourself (who does? don't answer that....) it is also great for joint mobility and building essential core strength as you concentrate on stabilising your hips and ankles.  So the next time your Mum complains about her knees hurting suggest - Mum, you really need to consider squatting over a long-drop to poo....  and let me know how that conversation goes.

SIDE NOTE: Did you know that your bodies first introduction to good gut bacteria is in the birth canal?  Yes, that’s right… blood and fecal matter (hopefully your mum had good gut bacteria to pass on).  This puts a whole new spin on the benefits of natural birth and why c-section born babies may have higher incidence of colic (a term for baby pain with no medical reason).  A baby with a clean gut (NO BACTERIA) is going to be in constant and chronic amounts of pain while it tries to digest – very distressing isn’t it?

Are you drinking enough WATER? No not coke, not V, not soft drinks, not sports drinks, not fruit juices, not freaking Vitamin Water.  JUST WATER….  How can you poo if you don’t have enough fluid to flush it out?  How can you poo if the sugar from alcohol, soft drinks and fruit juices invades your colon and makes an army of bad bacteria that turns your soft poo into a stringy, congealed mass of candida (yeast and fungus) infested unset cement?  Now that is GROSS!


Also try drinking - green tea, warm water with organic apple cider vinegar and/ or warm water and lemon juice.  We all know what a good warm drink does for toilet time, so why not drink these natural, inexpensive detox drinks first thing in the morning.

And exercise – 'if you don’t move it you lose it' also applies to the workings of the stomach.  So ladies before you invest in expensive compression underwear for your tummy consider going for a brisk 20 minute walk to effectively release gases and get the digestive juices rolling.  Exercise (the right sort, no the hour long treadmill sort) also promotes deeper breathing and reduces the infamous inflammatory stress hormone cortisol, thereby reducing that famous ‘sh!t-on-liver’ mood that plagues us all occasionally.

If this isn’t helping SEEK professional holistic help (starting with your GP for a check up and then invest in Naturopathic, Homeopathic, Ayurvedic or Chinese medicinal advice).  You made need to be treated for parasites, candida infections, food allergies and intolerance's, or it could be a precursor to something far worse.

But the investment could also lead to tummy toning and weight loss, more energy, reversal of depression, clear skin, great hair and nails and a prolonged life.  Bargain!

Once you have better poos THEN you can add more fibre.
But doesn’t fibre help you poo?  Yes, but only if you have enough good bacteria to break it down and fluid to flush it out.  If you have a inefficient system you are just backing up the pipe works and are going to suffer from more cramping, bloating and weight gain. Bugga.

What is good fibre?
Not the stuff that comes with your Terry White meal replacements, not the orange stuff in a plastic container…  It is green leafy veges and fruit.  Easy to digest whole grains eaten in moderation (like quinoa, rye, kumult, buck wheat, brown rice and spelt).

 White flour… is… toxic.


Flour in any form is NOT easy to digest.  It just irritates the bowel.  Pre-processed grain comes with an outer husk that contains a digestive enzyme required by the stomach to break down the white, gummy part of flour (starch).  Without the whole grain enzyme it is virtually impossible for the body to break down white breads, pasta, and cakes.  Which means you are left with a cement like paste clogging up your gut.  Which means that food that should have been digested over 24 hours before could be in gumming up your tummy for years and years.   Decades...  and this is commonly why every 10 years we seem to stack on another couple of kilos 'for no reason at all I tell you!'

So ladies, before we pass judgement on poos in public, which is the greater evil?

Mental illness and bowel cancer from years worth of poo in your stomach?

Or having a quick, pain free, tummy toning poo at work?

A little explosive relief for the day.

Poo for thought, that's all I'm saying...